A Very Potter Parody
by AlluringMelody
Summary: The Harry Potter world is about to change. This AU parody takes place 5th year. New OC characters and mild changes to the ones we love. Major plot changes ahead. Harry/Ginny, Hermione/Ron, Oc/Oc
1. Prologue

**Hello my darling readers. So, so, so, sorry I have been gone for so long. School has just been crazy. I will finish Dreamer eventually, promise. For now, I have some other ideas I would like to use. Hope you all like my OC characters. In fact, I love these new guys so much I might do a redo Harry Potter with them. Anyway, this is a parody, made for laughs and is not serious at all. I love the books, but I couldn't resist making fun of them and adding some bizarre twists. This will be a short story, only a few short chapters. **

**Disclaimer: As always, humph. Do I even need one with this story?**

**Warning: Parody, may contain inappropriate humor. Actually, does contain inappropriate humor. **

So, you think you know how the story goes? I'm pleased to inform you that you're completely and utterly wrong. Ok, so my "biographies" are way less confusing than my actual story. Though, Rita with a pen name made my stories cool (I mean, J.K.R, R for Rita), she did not make them true. I would be a huge hero if they were. It's not like they were all fake. In fact, they are pretty much true until the end of the 5th book. That's when things get really weird.  
>Harry this is utterly, ridiculous. Did you think you could hijack the entire opening?<br>Shove off Hermione, this is my story.  
>Bullocks, Harry. This is our story. All of our story.<br>Not helping Ron.  
>If you think for a second that this would be told in your point of view, I will hex you blind. Understood Potter?<br>I get it Lily. No point in calling me Potter, you are a Potter. Anyway, I'm more of a third person kind of guy and I was going to ask for your help.  
>Harry, you're not helping. I mean, they don't even know who she is. Hell, they don't even know who I am! I am pretty sure I am the most important character.<br>Austin, I was getting to it. Honestly, this opening was to introduce everyone. They need to understand before I jump into OUR story.  
>All of this is going to be cramed into an opening? Are you daft.<br>He seems to be confused. I blame nargals.  
>Ginny, Luna, you too?<br>Of course. We are much more important than that daft cow made us. And the first 5 books are still different!  
>Ok, so did you want me to use chapter one to fill eveyone in on the diffences?<br>Yes!  
>Do you think they'll understand the little stuff is different to? Different conversations, different people doing different things?<br>Harry, I'm sure they aren't that dumb.  
>Yeah, Hermione is right. Even if they are, they know now.<br>Right, Ron. Well, without further interruptions, I present, The True Story of Harry Potter.  
>Is that really the name we are going with?<br>Lily, seriously? They won't know what we are talking about unless we use it.  
>Fine, just get on with it.<br>Sigh. Just read please. I can't take it anymore.

**Don't Forget to Review!**


	2. Chapter 1- Changes Made

**Here is some background info so you can all dive right in! Only a few changes made that will probably not be covered in the story. **

Lily Evans Potter (aka The Girl who lived)- Twin sister to Harry Potter, also marked with a scar. Messy black hair, like her father and green eyes like her mom. Gorgeous girl, probably a solid 10. However, as Harry takes after his mother (or so he's told), Lily takes after her father. She plays many pranks on people, also has a nasty temper. Plays seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team and is Co-Captain. Boyfriend is Austin. Hated Austin at first, but that is a story for another day. Best friend is Hermione, who she has known sense childhood.

Austin/Eddy/Ed/Edward/whatever- Transfered to Hogwarts during the 3rd year. Born in America, moved when young. Friend of Harry's during childhood. Movie star. Played Edward in Twilight. In fact, looks exactly like Robert Pattinson (but cuter). (Cedric looks sort of like Logan Lerman). Full of himself, but cares about his girlfriend Lily. Helps with the prank pulling. Best friend is Harry Potter. Plays chaser on the Quidditch team.

Harry James Potter- Black hair, green eyes, glasses. Due to Quidditch, quite the looker. Chaser on the Quidditch team and Co-Captain. Best friends are Austin and Ron. Girlfriend is Ginny Weasley.

Prophecy Hall, happened sooner in the year. Tonks is dead, not Sirius.

You should be prepared enough to enjoy this tale. Good luck.


	3. Chapter 2- Surprise in Store

**First real chapter, not quite a parody yet. Give me time. Next chapter will get stranger. **

The 5 friends sat at their usual spots, at the table.

"Ferret alert." Ron coughed, into his kippers. Lily looked up, unfortunately making eye contact with Draco Malfoy. He was swaggering across the hall. It seemed as if he was heading to the Gryffindor table. At least it was slow motion, so they would have a few more moments of silence.

"Why is he coming over here?" Harry sighed, suddenly not hungry.

"Beats me. Maybe he heard about the prophecy." Austin shrugged, continuing on his pancakes. Lily slapped him from across the table.

"Lily, calm down." Hermione sighed, already tired of the usual bickering.

"That idiot was talking too loud. What if Malfoy heard?" Lily grumbled.

"Heard what?" Ginny said, plopping down unceremoniously.

"Nothing. Er-Ginny dear." Hermione said, timidly.

"What's up, Hermione?" Ginny asked, smiling.

"You're uh shirt." Hermione said. She shook her head in exasperation. Ginny looked down. Her uniform shirt was completely unbuttoned, showing everyone her hot pink bra.

"Oh." Ginny laughed, not even bothering to look down. The guys didn't even bat their eyes.

"Hermione you're being ridiculous." Lily smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah," Ron added. "She doesn't even count."

"I mean she does anything that moves." Austin said.

"Or some things that don't. Remember that plant?" Hermione added, shuttering.

"Exactly. So why even bother?" Ron said.

"Well, it wouldn't hurt to teach her modesty. Just because everyone has seen her, doesn't mean it needs to continue publicly." Hermione huffed.

"Ah it's too late for her." Harry laughed, taking her hand.

"I can't believe you're ok with this! She's your girlfriend." Hermione laughed, knowing argument was futile.

"What, it's not like it's cheating. She doesn't count." Harry said.

"And Ginny walking around shirtless, why would he turn that down?" Austin said.

"Fair enough." Hermione said, taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"Whelp, Malfoy's here." Ron groaned.

"Potters, Weasleys, Albright, Granger." Draco greeted. His gorgeous grey eyes held an odd glint to them.

"Let's cut the crap. Why are you here?" Austin sneered.

"Just take your friends and meet me on the grounds." Draco sighed. He looked odd, intriguing the Gryffindors.

"Yeah right. That's as ridiculous as Snape trying to save my life, sacrificing his life to protect me, and giving me all his memories, ultimately making me realize that he was good the whole time." Lily scoffed.

"We'll go Malfoy." Harry said. 5 pairs of eyes met his, in shock.

"I love you all, but I'm not partaking in this. Plus, I'm going to miss my 8 o'clock." Ginny said, kissing Harry quickly. With a swish of her open shirt, she was out the door.

"Who died and made you leader?" Lily said.

"Yeah, mate. This is just insane. Who'd want to listen to a greasy ferret?" Ron said.

"Um, I'm still here." Draco said, waving his hand for emphasis.

"Not now Draco!" The group shouted.

"We should go and see what's up. He didn't seem hostile." Harry explained.

"That doesn't mean he isn't hostile." Ron muttered, darkly. Mistrust was evident in his blue eyes.

"I agree with the midget." Austin said, glancing at Harry.

"I'm ignoring the insult and appreciate the common sense." Harry said.

"I don't like it, but I'll go." Hermione said, smiling slightly.

"I guess I'm in." Ron said.

"Oh, what the hell." Lily sighed.

"We'll go." Harry said, turning to Draco.

"I know! I heard everything you said." Draco exclaimed, showcasing the classic Malfoy sneer. The group of 5 anxiously shuffled outside. A blast of warm spring weather hit them. Draco followed them, like an unwanted shadow. They walked to the cover of the forbidden forest. The group of Griffindors had their wands gripped in their hands.

"Okay, Malfoy, we're here. What do you want?" Lily said, crossing her arms.

"I want you to. Ugh." Draco huffed in a very un-Dracoish manner. He ran his fingers through his short blond hair. His eyes opened wide, in an attempt to convey his message. Well, Gryffindors aren't known for their intelligence.

"Is there something wrong?" Hermione asked. The smartest, though still not quick. Draco grabbed his throat, his eyes bugging out.

"Come on. We don't have all day." Lily said. Draco shook his head, picking up a stick on the ground. He spelled "HELP" in the hard earth.

"What?" Austin questioned, scrunching up his face.

"This is mad." Ron said.

"Hermione?" Harry pleaded, hoping she had some clue. Hermione bit her lip, in concentration. She walked around Draco, muttering spells. Something was definitely up. Draco fidgeted, that's when she saw it. Almost invisible to the naked eye, a pale substance clung to Draco.

"You saw something! What is it!" Lily exclaimed, in excitement.

"It's called glamor." Hermione said, in wonder.

"Never heard of it." Austin said, unhelpfully. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Come on, really? We've discussed this in nearly every class, however briefly. Anyone?" Hermione said, in exasperation. Eveyone but Draco shrugged.  
>"Glamor is an ancient charm. Only it's theory is taught in school. It is highly complex, dangerous magic. Only a handful of people alive could do this. Merlin was thought to have developed the spell. This charm can change appearance or it can work similar to the Imperius curse. It would force the victim to do things against their will, in certain company. The spell will drop when alone, but will occasionally falter. Unlike the Imperius curse, the victim can think as themselves and is aware of their actions. I don't see how someone could have done this, seeing the risks involved." Hermione said, again sounding like she swallowed a text book.<p>

"What's the main risk?" Harry asked.

"Well besides, excessive beard growth, this charm can cause madness, often mistaken for brilliance. The worst affect of all is that it drains magic. Someone would have to have an unbeatable wand. That would cause a never ending flo of magic." Hermione sighed.

"Well can we reverse it?" Lily asked.

"Actually, yes. Glamor clings to its victim's form." Hermione said, distractedly. She looked deep in thought.

"Why don't we turn him into a ferret?" Ausin supplied.

"That's ridiculous!" Hermione laughed. She slapped her forehead. "Actually that works."

"Allow me." Lily said. She waved her wand and Draco the amazing, bouncing, ferret was back.

"Is it gone?" Harry wondered, scaning the ground.

"No, it's like a lose snake skin." Hermione said. When the light hit the ferret, they could see a faint outline of a human shape.

"So how are we going to get him out? Magic?" Ron guffawed.

"No! It could kill him!" Hermione exclaimed, horrified.

"What about scissors?" Lily asked, pulling a pair out of her robes.

"Why do you have-oh never mind. I don't think that will..." Hermione trailed off. Lily had taken the scissors and cut open a ferret sized hole in the glamor. As soon as Draco scampered out, Lily set the glamor on fire. A hiss sounded in the air. With a wave of Austin's wand, Draco was once again a human. He began glowing purple. In fact, Hogwarts seemed to light up like a Christmas tree. Once the light stopped, a tan, highly attractive Draco stood. 5 open mouths greeted him.

"What? Who did this to you?" Harry croaked.

"Albus Dumbledore." Draco said.

**As always, review **


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